Firstly my question would be, what is the purpose of homework?

Some say it’s to consolidate learning that has happened at school.

Others say it’s to enable children to develop independence and prepare them for revision in later years. Maybe it’s a bit of both.

Some children regardless of needs thrive at school and love nothing more than the challenge of homework, revising for tests and completing projects at home. Fantastic! These children should be celebrated.

Some children don’t want to feel different. For these children academics are a challenge to them and they don’t love completing homework, but they would rather do it, at a limited standard, than deal with the feeling they get from not doing it.

Other children, generally those with significant additional needs can not, will not, and point blank refuse to even entertain the idea of mixing school with home! And these are the children I am referring to.

So, should we, as their parents force them to do it?

Should we allow the school to punish our children for not doing it?

100 % NO on both counts!

Children As young as 4 spend 6 hours a day actively being taught a curriculum which they are expected to memorise and then regurgitate in a standardised test to prove their worth. They are ALL expecting to learn exactly the same and in the same way and if they don’t memorise enough, we as their parents are told our children are falling behind – another words ‘they are failing’.

Now let’s be clear here.

Your child is NOT failing! the system is failing your child!

Your child, like all children, regardless of any additional need, will learn at their own pace and in their own way.

Children that are so called ‘failing’ at school will find the school day an immense struggle. The speed of expected learning will be way too fast and they will feel like a sinking ship.

Their self esteem will be rock bottom and no doubt their behaviour will be reflecting their insecurities.

So when the bell goes at 3 o’clock and they break free from the prison of doom they finally feel safe, back in the arms of unconditional love.

As parents our single most important job is to love and care for our children, keeping them safe from harm.

You are not a teacher of academics!

The time we spend with our children is undeniably the most valuable time on the planet. It’s when we teach our family values, our beliefs and our traditions. It’s when we share our experiences and we express our emotions. In everything we do we are constantly role modelling expected behaviour.

We consciously and even subconsciously spend every opportunity building their self esteem by celebrating their personalities and each and every micro achievement that they make and most importantly we are the people that know and believe in our children.

In society we all harp on and on about having a work/home life balance. Those who bring their work home with them are stressed beyond content, suffer mentally and as a result their family life suffers!

So why do we think that it is acceptable for children?

It’s not! Children need time to be children, they need time to learn who they are and they need the time to be that person. They need time to partake and enjoy other aspects of life.

Learning at home happens all the time. A bedtime story, fun games intertwined with life to support times tables or science. Creating thank you letters. Knowing what topic is being studied at school and visiting related places as a family. Grow broccoli. Cooking together and eating your delights together (or in my case probably not quite so tasty delights). Laugh and have fun.

But DO NOT sit down and force a disengaged child to do homework.

Do not sign a home/school agreement to say you will do the homework set and do not allow your child to be punished by the school.

Go into school and have a meeting or write a letter.

You are not being a lazy parent or allowing your child to fall further behind – you are simply doing the single most important job a parent must do, which is to love, care, and keep your child safe from harm.

The picture is of Jazz and myself attempting to grow broccoli after I discovered at 11 years old she thought broccoli was made in a factory!

When I decided to have children the word benefits never entered my head! I was bought up with a great work ethic and enjoyed earning and spending my own money within my means.

After Morgan was born we spent the majority of his first year in and out of hospital, finally to receive his and Aidens’ diagnosis of the life limiting disease, Cystic Fibrosis at the age of one and five years old.

After coming to terms with this diagnosis, which will be another blog when I’m brave enough, reality set in about what this actually meant.

One certainty was that my career path was instantly shut off. Who would employ me knowing that at the drop of a hat I am likely to wind up in hospital for weeks on end?

The hospital, doctors surgery and chemist became my second home. They all knew me on first name terms and that tells you something. Even the most generous boss in the world will only take so much because at the end of the day they are paying you to do a job, so they need it done.

Suddenly we were thrown into the world of ‘benefits’ and on one hand I am truly grateful that they are there but on the other hand I live with guilt, frustration and fear of having them, which follows me everyday.

I am truly grateful because it has meant I can be by my children’s side through their difficult and unplanned journey and without them our lives would have been completely different.

Yet, I hold guilt from other people’s judgments that I am one of those ‘benefit people’, you know the ones, the ones that are ‘a drain on society and wasting tax payers money’. I think these judgments seem far more apparent for those who have invisible disabilities – my children don’t look sick! Look at the picture, can you tell which ones have disabilities?

I also live in fear! Fear that I am being watched, fear that I’m being judged and fear of anticipation!

Awaiting that dreaded brown envelope, the DLA/PIP renewal form, dropping through my letterbox is sheer hell. This is the 40 page document where I have to explain in great detail all the things my child can’t do, all the things that in life, I just used to take for granted.

I then live in fear that ‘they’ (the powers that be) won’t believe me, or that what I’ve explained is in fact, not disabling enough, or that what I have written and how that actually looks in reality are two different things which could somehow be seen as fraudulent.

They ask questions like ‘Do they need encouragement, prompting or physical help to take part in hobbies, social or religious activities? Or, do they need help when they are out and about? How many times a day you you need this help?’ And then expect the answer in minutes!

Disability is not measurable in minutes or with a simple yes or no or tick box answer how do you convey life into minutes?

And then there’s the biggest fear of all – after feeling guilty and fearful for receiving such a thing you begin to live your adapted life, you are then tasked with the thought that ‘they’ are going to take it away!

Cystic Fibrosis is a life limiting, degenerative disease, like many other diseases and conditions it is not suddenly going to disappear or get better so why do So many people have to live in fear or something that was put in place to support them? This is where the frustration lies.

No amount of money will take away the pain, heart ache and trauma that is felt every single day by families affected by illness and disability but receiving this benefit does enable lives to be lived in a way that is more manageable.

The money we receive allows our children to live a life they deserve – an equal life to those without a disability.

Research suggests that is costs three time more to raise a child with a disability that without.

Yet, society has created stigma around that the word ‘Benefits’ and that needs to change, as does the benefit system itself. It needs to stop this fear factor ruining peoples lives. The change in the benefit system is sadly out of our control.

We can however, remember and remind others that people do not choose disability and this will go a long way in helping to change the stigma attached to ‘benefits’.

I have attached three brilliant websites which have step by step guide lines to how you fill out that horrendous DLA form.

https://skybadger.co.uk/2018/08/20/dla-form-a-step-by-step-guide/

https://www.cerebra.org.uk/help-and-information/guides-for-parents/dla-guide/

https://www.carersuk.org/images/Factsheets/DLA2018-19FINAL.pdf

For those moving over to PIP at the age of 16, here are some step by step guidelines.

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/benefits/sick-or-disabled-people-and-carers/pip/help-with-your-claim/fill-in-form/

https://www.disabilityrightsuk.org/sites/default/files/word/PIPGuidetoclaiming24october%202018.docx